An Early Tragic Trauma for my Father: Getting Therapeutic Help

After a recent family gathering I visited my Father's grave. In the same burial plot was the grave of his younger sister. My father was 9 years old when his Mother had to go next door to borrow something from a neighbor. His Mother asked my Father to keep an eye on his 7 year old sister while she was gone. Unfortunate

ly there was a fire in the fire place and his sister stood too close, caught her robe on fire, and burned to death in my Father's presence. I can only imagine how my Father felt. He seldom talked about it and when he did he never revealed his feelings about it. Can you imagine any greater trauma happening to a 9 year old boy? I have tried to remember what life was like when I was 9 years old. How would I have felt? What would the horror have done to me? What would the guilt have done? My Father grew up to be someone who always helped others. He could not bear seeing anyone suffer. He would always try to relieve it, no matter if it was physical or mental suffering. How much was he motivated by what happened to him at age 9? I am sure it was a powerful motivator. Psychoanalysis teaches us that the, "child is the father of the man." This would certainly have been the case with my Father. He was a latent age kid--a 9 year old boy. Life was supposed to be about geography and math, about playing baseball and hiking in the woods. It was not supposed to be about tragedy and death. I still can only imagine--the fear, the terror, the shame. Why do I share this story from my Father's life? So we can all know just how much childhood trauma affects us as adults. I do not know if you had to endure childhood trauma. But if you did you can relate to what my Father must have gone through. Trauma affects the brain. It changes the brain. It has permanent affects on us as human beings. You can work through trauma in therapy but you can never forget it. It places an indelible mark on your mind and in your mind. Unfortunately, we cannot forget the past nor can we change it. We can only come to grips with it. To face it. To endure it. To work through it. My Father was not one to go to therapy or take medication. He likely turned to friends and family members and maybe his minister to deal with what happened to him. My fear is he probably did not turn to professionals to really find true peace with his early trauma. I am afraid that is what happens with too many people today. You may be one of those persons. I hope if you did experience trauma as a child that you have not sought to work through it alone. That you have sought out not only friends, family, and clergy--but that you have also found professional help from a mental health professional. If not, I hope this story about the early tragic trauma my Father faced will motivate you to reach out to a therapist today. (Please feel free to comment.)